May 22, 2006
By Ndaba Dlamini
EVERYONE knew that come Friday evening, Sis' Thoko would be seen hightailing it from her Alexandra house - screaming - her drunken husband in hot pursuit. She later died, a broken woman, her face disfigured from the countless beatings from her spouse.
"Such was Sis' Thoko's fate at the hands of her husband. But today, this Men's Dialogue will try to shed some light on why some men, among other things, rape and physically abuse their spouses."
Reverend Mapula Mtitso, the chairperson of the Johannesburg Moral Regeneration Movement (MRM) was speaking at the Men's Dialogue on Friday, 19 May. "By the end of the day, we hope that some kind of solution to these problems will be suggested," she said.
About 100 men and women from churches, social organisations and the general Joburg community, among them councillors from various wards in Soweto, braved the chilly weather to attend the dialogue held at the Orlando East Community Hall. The theme was "Men and morality - men's responsibilities in being part of the solution."
It was co-ordinated by the MRM, an organisation that seeks "to promote the principles of good governance, demonstrate zero tolerance of any practice that impairs human dignity and the right to decent life and to profile all initiatives and good work made towards moral regeneration".
The movement, formally launched by the government in 2002, supports any organisation that aims to instil sound social values in South Africans.
"This dialogue aims to present men with space to air their views about challenges presented by democracy," Mtintso said. "Many men feel excluded by certain policies introduced by the government and this dialogue will hopefully come up with solutions to these problems.
"However, this meeting shouldn't be about men fighting women for space, but should be a platform to address these problems to make our communities better places to live in," she added, saying it was necessary to get to the root cause of the problem.
The lack of a specific men's programme to look at moral regeneration made matters more difficult.
Participants were given time to present their personal experiences, with many men bemoaning what one contributor called "the lack of sensitivity to men's grievances". "Most of the developments are centred [on] women and we are totally excluded as if we did not contribute to the struggle against apartheid," said Sydney Phokojoe, from Diepkloof.
Black empowerment was all about women empowerment, said one man, adding that most of the top jobs were earmarked for women. "Women have been given 75 percent rights and many of them are abusing these rights."
He also spoke of the difficulties men faced in cases where they were abused by women: "When [we] report such incidents, police laugh at us."
Women who attended the meeting also had something to say. One said men should be role models for families. "What men should do is rebuild their reputation and let women play a larger role in the moral regeneration in the community," she said.
The workshop then split into four groups to discuss challenges presented by democracy, HIV and Aids, socialisation and the role of men in fighting violence against women and children.
"There will be a broader forum in the next five weeks where we will tackle all the issues discussed by [the] various groups," Mtintso said after the discussions. "The Youth and Morality Seminar to be held on 13 June will also tackle some of the issues that have arisen."
At the end of the dialogue, all the men who had attended the meeting signed a pledged to, among other things, "foster moral values in the community, respect human dignity, enhance family and community values and show respect and concern for other people".
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